Is Age Just A Number?

Let’s take a closer look in what studies show about age difference in relationships.

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What celebrity couple has the biggest age difference? 17 Celebrity Couples With Big Age Differences

  1. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. …
  2. Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. …
  3. Donald and Melania Trump. …
  4. Beyoncé and Jay Z. …
  5. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. …
  6. AnnaLynne McCord and Dominic Purcell. …
  7. Olivier Sarkozy and Mary-Kate Olsen. …
  8. Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo

Across Western countries, about 8% of all married heterosexual couples can be classified as having a large age gap (ten years or more). These generally involve older men partnered with younger women. About 1% of age-gap couples involve an older woman partnered with a younger man. Apr 19, 2018

What is an acceptable age difference between couples? According to the rule, the age of the younger partner (regardless of gender) should be no less than seven more than half the older partner’s age. Martin, then, shouldn’t date anyone younger than 26 and a half; Lawrence shouldn’t go above 34. The rule is widely cited, but its origins are hard to pin down. Aug 31, 2014

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Mary Kate and Olivier Sarkozy

Can age gap relationships work? Making age gap relationships work — More people are open to age gap relationships for themselves than you may think. According to one study, most men and women prefer to date someone close to their own age but are open to someone 10 to 15 years their junior or senior. … Age was never an issue because he didn’t act his age. Nov 21, 2018

Can a 20 year age gap work? The Older You Are, the Easier It GetsResearch has found that the age gap between a 20year-old and a 40-year-old can cause more issues than the gap between, say, a 50-year-old and a 70-year-old. Mar 14, 2019

We shall continue this search ….

KATch-UP Mondays: “Intimacy -Touch ‘Me’ ~ Continues …

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I noticed after I posted my blog on Friday an important research done. It’s important that we give facts, opinions, truths when we’re rendering posts such as these. Intimacy is just as important as Cancer. How can this be? Well, truthfully, we need information on all these types of subjects. If a man or woman was suffering cancer and their significant other did not render care it would make matters worse. Who wants to go through the severity of chemo and such things alone? NO ONE!! As much as we try to separate ourselves on certain matters it’s just true that we need someone to care! It always helps when it’s someone dear to our hearts!

I’ve decided to put off another blog to continue the intimacy blog from last week. I want all couples out there to succeed! We need it. How else will we be examples to our children, friends, and others overall? We need this — desperately!

Thank you for your intimate touch you share with me everyday when you read my posts! Again, it means so much to me! It is intimate because all of us want to connect when we have a passion to reach someone. It affirms us (personally how you define it) and without you I would just be an empty canvas with no reason to … write!

There are four types of intimacy:

  • Experiential Intimacy: When people bond during leisure activities. …
  • Emotional Intimacy: When people feel safe sharing their feelings with each other, even uncomfortable ones. …
  • Intellectual Intimacy: When people feel comfortable sharing ideas and opinions, even when they disagree.

More items… •May 14, 2019 What is Intimacy? – GoodTherapy
https://www.goodtherapy.org › blog › psychpedia › intimacy

More in depth says …

Emotional Intimacy

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Being emotionally intimate with a partner means that you can talk to them about your innermost thoughts, said Michael A. Giordano, LICSW, a psychotherapist, who specializes in couples, sex therapy and non-traditional relationships in Washington, D.C.

You’re able to share your joy and pain with your partner. “It’s the person you can cry with.”

Kogan agreed. “Truly understanding your partner, being able to be vulnerable, and share feelings is key to emotional intimacy.”

She cited John Gottman’s Sound Relationship House, which features seven components of healthy relationships. One component is building love maps, which is how well we know our partner’s psychological worlds, their history and hopes, and their worries and joys.

You can build love maps by asking open-ended questions and really listening to your partner’s responses. Kogan shared these examples of questions: “What has it felt like for you being a father to our new baby? Where do you see yourself living or working/retiring in 5 years?”

Giordano also stressed the importance of being honest with ourselves. If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner, explore what might be underlying this disconnection. “It could be a host of reasons. It could have something to do with your partner or yourself.”

For instance, one of Giordano’s clients wasn’t emotionally connected to their partner because they were drinking every night. Maybe you’re feeling disconnected because you’re still upset about something your partner did or you’re keeping a secret.

Other issues such as anxietydepression or any kind of ongoing stress can affect an emotional connection, he said.

Intellectual Intimacy

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This includes “exchanging ideas and thoughts about things you think and care about,” Kogan said.

For instance, to deepen your intellectual intimacy, you might share your favorite songs, poems or books, she said. “You can even have an intimate book club for two where you read a book and discuss.”

You also might share your thoughts about life in general or interests such as volunteering and places you’d like to travel, she said.

Physical Intimacy

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Physical intimacy is not the same as sexual intimacy. It’s essentially being affectionate with each other, which can include everything from hugging to holding hands to kissing to cuddling on the couch.

Again, if you’re feeling a disconnect here, Giordano suggested exploring why. For instance, if your partner tries to massage your neck, but you’re shrinking away, consider where this reaction is coming from, he said. Pay attention to your thoughts and the reactions you have to your partner’s touch.

It’s also helpful to talk about it (or to talk with a therapist), he said. If your partner is the one who seems to be disconnected from you, ask them about it. Avoid “creating a story about what’s going on with them.”

First, ask your partner when they’d like to talk. This way they “can be prepared and don’t feel attacked.” Approach the conversation with kindness. If either of you finds your emotions are escalating and you can’t be kind anymore, take a break, and agree to talk another time, he said.

Also, when talking to each other, have a “spirit of inquiry and understanding.” For instance, Giordano suggested these statements: “I’d like to hear more about that. How would you feel about that? What’s that like for you?”

Experiential Intimacy

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Couples don’t have to do everything together, but it’s important to share some experiences (without any distractions, such as electronic gadgets), Kogan said. For instance, this might include taking a walk, biking, seeing a movie, or even sitting in a garden, she said.

Spiritual Intimacy

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Spiritual intimacy is sharing awe-inspiring moments together, Kogan said. This might mean “worshipping as a couple” or “walking hand-in-hand in nature.”

If you feel disconnected from your partner in any of these areas, again, it’s important to talk to them (or see a therapist). In fact, talking to your partner about intimacy can actually build intimacy, Giordano said.

In other words, if you’re able to be open and honest with each other, to listen to what your partner is saying and to try to understand where they’re coming from, then you’re already nurturing your connection.

The “Blah”

I read some of the blogs I’ve done and they are pretty … blah. Not that I didn’t mean any of what I wrote; more so it seemed like gloom had overshadowed my intent. It is never to bore or be without meaning. A heart’s desire to be informative, encouraging, witty, intriguing, funny; a mirror whose reflection emanates others thoughts/feelings of truth and who can personally testify the same in what I see/experience.

I don’t want to give away my secret approach in writing my writes (what most would call poems) but I want to share an idea, perhaps, that you have as well.

Naaaah! (lol). We each have our unique ability to express ideas the way we do. To be exciting and gain, at least, one reader! So, this one is just for you …. (well, like the other ones I write too .. lol) …

Written by Katherine Matthews

Relationships’ Tip #1: You or Me?

Rather your male or female, all relationships require sacrifice. But the thing I don’t understand — how come it seems like one of the persons’ in the relationship get the brunt of the responsibility? In other words, one individual will wound up sacrificing more than the other. This being the case —- is it “true” love? It takes sacrifice to be in a committed relationship hands down! Is there a such thing as equal adjustments? Maybe it’s a misnomer that partners offset each other’s strengths and weaknesses, whereas, I thought they went hand in hand.

Have you been in that situation of constantly being the one to sacrifice (adjust) and your partner never seems to take lead? I have! Numerous of times. Frankly, I’m tired of it. I want to be covered just as much as he does. And NOT because I’m a woman! Gosh, I hate that. I’m not this weakling who needs rescuing for everything. No! I just want a balance where he sacrifices just like me. So, I think I have the reason to why this continues to happen in our relationships.

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To whom much is given much more is required!

Do you despise this statement? Well, it’s true rather you like it or not. If you naturally take lead it’s ALWAYS going to be that way. This doesn’t lessen the other person it just compliments the relationship. It is soooooo vital that you understand what stands out: naturally leading and complimenting the relationship. If you’re not a leader it’s quite obvious. You don’t have the wherewithal to use what you know wisely to bring the relationship to it’s best! Don’t lie! Be honest. If you know your partner is better at it, don’t argue with it. Accept it, in fact, right now!! It doesn’t make you less than. Again, IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU LESS THAN!! Some are just natural born leaders. They have the wisdom and poise to handle situations. Do they fall? Absolutely. They’re not perfect. They are usually dependable and they, usually, tend toward sacrificing the most. Complimenting the relationship — because this natural ability exist they will ensure that the relationship stays in tact. Believe me, these natural born leaders can be a pain in the butt too. They sometimes go to far; become narcissistic punks who don’t know how to humble themselves.

I must reiterate again. You are not less than if you are not the natural born leader. You are very important in the relationship. Without you there is no relationship! Don’t let a “leader” tell you other wise. Remember, strengths and weaknesses offset each other. You have to sacrifice just like your partner because of those offsets. If both people were the same, the likelihood is they will breakup!

Which one are you? Need some tips to fully understand this concept? Let me know. I’ve been learning a lot in this area!

PS … I gotta add. I know some think commonality is the same to what I’m talking about. Nope! Wrong! Having something in common is a portion to the functionality of a relationship. And because I know some will argue that point … if both of you are leaders, one will still dominate over the other! It’s just how it goes!

Blog Fridays: Social Media Presents — Blogging!

Social media is the place we use for platform. A way to share with people we know and don’t know how we’re feeling, thinking, informing, etc. A powerful tool to spread our message across the world in an instant with just a click of a button “publish.” That’s actually pretty neat. So, since this is my platform, I’ve decided to finally share my dirty laundry with everybody …

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See what’s the display?

Now, this feels great!! I had to get all of this off my chest. I was heavy laden with loaded pent up frustration. You know what it’s like. Life throws one curve ball after another. Sometimes we just gotta release and let the filth drop where they may. LOL

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Great advice for us all

Look at what I found as a result of “drying out the dirty laundry.” This is a fabulous notation. “The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it …” You know what’s crazy, I used to think and wish I could talk about a personal relationship I was involved in. If we took some pictures together that we’d put it on some type of social media to “express our love.” Uuuh, I have been proven right. Keeping a low profile is the way to go. I’m already a private person and letting the “world” know of a personal relationship is a bit much. Why bring unnecessary attention to something that should be personal? Personal expression can be shared on a date. It’s called PDA (public display of affection). I’ve done it before and could careless about what our surroundings thought. I didn’t do it for attention. It happened because my eyes were fixed! Maybe we should reconsider the next time we want to put our lives in pictures/words on the social stage. True expression is shown in secret and rewarded openly. Don’t make him or her feel uncomfortable, especially if they’re not comfortable with it. Now, for those of you who don’t mind this cup of tea, heeeeey, by all means, do your thang!

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Hehehehehe … enough said

Last, but certainly not least … read the funny caption in the picture! This was a fun blog for me. I hope you enjoyed it as well. Again, laughter (considerable play on things) is good like medicine. Helping people, also, includes the ability to bring a smile!

KATch-UP Mondays: Bias

Self explanatory?

Reaching crossroads is like a woman choosing a pair of shoes for an outfit — it will happen to all and the choice will, sometimes, become dreary. I’m wearing a black and white outfit but red pumps and accessories will bring it out. Actually, I don’t have this problem. I’m visualizing it right now and understand why some do this, but when I’m wearing certain combinations of colors my tendency is to wear the combination I have on. My accessories are between gold and silver. Yeah! I’m pretty simple in this area. But there are those times when I don’t know what I want to wear for Sunday morning service. A dress or skirt but with what blouse? Do I even have a pair of shoes that will go great with them? Daggit! What about slacks instead? Oh, it can be horrible. Men can concur, save you’re married (lol). My Mom tends to pick out the suit and color that my Dad is going to wear that day. I guess once you’re married a man “forgets” how to dress himself (LOL). Interesting of how the woman takes over because she has in her mind how her man should look.

Speaking of a wife choosing clothes, what about relationships? Boy! Boy! Boy! That can be a tough one right there. Will he be this? Can she be that? All the advice in the world won’t answer every nook and cranny a relationship will endure; each individual is different, and the combination of that pair won’t be the same as someone else’s. The only thing we have is there are the basics that are guaranteed. She will think like a woman and he will think like a man. Now, here in lies the bias

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The Big Picture

This bias is more about it seems “unfair” that our roles as male and female are the way they are. I have written about men see me as overbearing, unyielding, not feminine because I try to walk with integrity. I know that I was raised around a lot of men (my Dad, brothers and 2 older male cousins) so I DID had tomboy tendencies. However, I played with dolls a lot! I made up fantasy worlds cause that’s what we did as little girls. Look at what I just did. I tried to justify my behavior because people (men and women) tried stigmatizing me based on what they thought instead of what was and is. Integrity is neither male nor female. Indeed … my Dad took much time talking to me. It was like he had a feeling that I would grow up dealing with men who would try to control me; not respect the person I am regardless of my gender. Yet, look at the stigma I used as example to dress. Why do married women or women who are dating (I guess this happens) try to dress their men? Is there a notion that he doesn’t know how to look good … anymore? I imagine he looked dapper and debonair when he first approached you; otherwise, you wouldn’t have bothered.

Which to Choose?

Crossroads are a pain in the butt especially when we don’t have all the information. We, hopefully, first count the cost before choosing the college of our dreams, but we didn’t know some idiot was going to come in with a gun. Wouldn’t it be fair if God were to just let us know these choices and whatever is going to happen? I’m being biased because I’ve faced quite a bit in my life. I look at some who have done me in thinking, “Now, they do me in but they have this or that? That is not fair.” Technically, I don’t want any hurt or harm to come to any individual, however, I can admit when you see others “prevail” and you’re still chill’n where you were 70 years ago, it gets to you after awhile lol.

I’m just saying.

The Triangle Love Affair

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Which way to turn…

My mind is sort of here and there in the reminisce of the past and what is today. It engages the circumstances of the relationships I faced over the past couple of years. (Chuckle) A slight exaggeration in the “couple” of years part. More like over 10! Dang, that’s a long time. That’s over a decade being in and out of relationships that I didn’t want to end but had no choice. I’m sure you, like me, wished some situations would have survived the brutal tide that not only crashed against the enormous mountain but knocked it into the abyss of the sea. It bothers me when people are so quick to jump to the conclusion “When you look back it was for the best.” That, truthfully, gets on my nerve. I’m not saying it bares no truth. I’m saying that folks should understand individuals NEED to SOBERLY assess these relationships. No, there’s likely not going to be a full awareness of why the other person made his or her decision, however, the assessment will bring you to a point of peace and maturity!

My first love! Boy, boy, boy … he was something else! I had never felt that way about anyone. It was more than butterflies in mere thought of him. It was heart racing in wishful “Oh God, I want to marry him,” type thing! We dated for several years, but he never would allow himself to be completely in the relationship. Just in case — this is when the individual is with you but has one foot in and out kinda thing. He eventually broke it off stating it was more than he could handle. I’m trying to sum it up as he just wasn’t ready to commit (marriage) but it was a little bit more than that. Yeah, I’m crazy! I used to apologize to him {time to time} because I was more involved than he was. The apology would come because I didn’t want to ever come across as though I was trying to pressure him and, I admit, my insecurities had been … ridiculous (lol)! No person can bear another’s insecurities. It is something every individual must work through on their own.

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Seeing blindly

This same guy, a few years later, got married! I guess he found what he was looking for. It broke my heart but what could I do? Nothing. No, not true. I could, and I did, respect his decision. Since I lived through that situation I was able to share with a friend (who became like a little sister) the experience and what I learned. So, that’s it: what did I learn? ….

Several months ago I found some of the instant message conversations we had that I had printed out. IM or instant message was during AOL days so we’re talking many moons ago (lol). In one of those conversations he wound up saying: “Why would I settle when I can have somebody better?” Ouch! Enough said, right?! So, the lesson I learned is no matter what higher power (God) may try to advise us; no matter what we know to be true it will come down to that one decision and it will make or break us in the end. I’m still discovering who I am. The reminisce of today is — I am still discovering. The reveal always takes time! Sometimes it takes years upon years. I can’t be disgruntle (though I have been frustrated throughout the journey–lol) with the process. I must embrace my truth … I am becoming the best version of myself beyond what I will ever understand.

Thanksgiving is mind-blowing

Romans 8:26-28 AMP … “In the same way the Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too deep for words. And He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because the Spirit intercedes [before God] on behalf of God’s people in accordance with God’s will. And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.

And though THAT one decided to go away … I can thank God He decided to stay!