KATch-UP Mondays: “Intimacy -Touch ‘Me’ ~ Continues …

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I noticed after I posted my blog on Friday an important research done. It’s important that we give facts, opinions, truths when we’re rendering posts such as these. Intimacy is just as important as Cancer. How can this be? Well, truthfully, we need information on all these types of subjects. If a man or woman was suffering cancer and their significant other did not render care it would make matters worse. Who wants to go through the severity of chemo and such things alone? NO ONE!! As much as we try to separate ourselves on certain matters it’s just true that we need someone to care! It always helps when it’s someone dear to our hearts!

I’ve decided to put off another blog to continue the intimacy blog from last week. I want all couples out there to succeed! We need it. How else will we be examples to our children, friends, and others overall? We need this — desperately!

Thank you for your intimate touch you share with me everyday when you read my posts! Again, it means so much to me! It is intimate because all of us want to connect when we have a passion to reach someone. It affirms us (personally how you define it) and without you I would just be an empty canvas with no reason to … write!

There are four types of intimacy:

  • Experiential Intimacy: When people bond during leisure activities. …
  • Emotional Intimacy: When people feel safe sharing their feelings with each other, even uncomfortable ones. …
  • Intellectual Intimacy: When people feel comfortable sharing ideas and opinions, even when they disagree.

More items… •May 14, 2019 What is Intimacy? – GoodTherapy
https://www.goodtherapy.org › blog › psychpedia › intimacy

More in depth says …

Emotional Intimacy

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Being emotionally intimate with a partner means that you can talk to them about your innermost thoughts, said Michael A. Giordano, LICSW, a psychotherapist, who specializes in couples, sex therapy and non-traditional relationships in Washington, D.C.

You’re able to share your joy and pain with your partner. “It’s the person you can cry with.”

Kogan agreed. “Truly understanding your partner, being able to be vulnerable, and share feelings is key to emotional intimacy.”

She cited John Gottman’s Sound Relationship House, which features seven components of healthy relationships. One component is building love maps, which is how well we know our partner’s psychological worlds, their history and hopes, and their worries and joys.

You can build love maps by asking open-ended questions and really listening to your partner’s responses. Kogan shared these examples of questions: “What has it felt like for you being a father to our new baby? Where do you see yourself living or working/retiring in 5 years?”

Giordano also stressed the importance of being honest with ourselves. If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner, explore what might be underlying this disconnection. “It could be a host of reasons. It could have something to do with your partner or yourself.”

For instance, one of Giordano’s clients wasn’t emotionally connected to their partner because they were drinking every night. Maybe you’re feeling disconnected because you’re still upset about something your partner did or you’re keeping a secret.

Other issues such as anxietydepression or any kind of ongoing stress can affect an emotional connection, he said.

Intellectual Intimacy

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This includes “exchanging ideas and thoughts about things you think and care about,” Kogan said.

For instance, to deepen your intellectual intimacy, you might share your favorite songs, poems or books, she said. “You can even have an intimate book club for two where you read a book and discuss.”

You also might share your thoughts about life in general or interests such as volunteering and places you’d like to travel, she said.

Physical Intimacy

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Physical intimacy is not the same as sexual intimacy. It’s essentially being affectionate with each other, which can include everything from hugging to holding hands to kissing to cuddling on the couch.

Again, if you’re feeling a disconnect here, Giordano suggested exploring why. For instance, if your partner tries to massage your neck, but you’re shrinking away, consider where this reaction is coming from, he said. Pay attention to your thoughts and the reactions you have to your partner’s touch.

It’s also helpful to talk about it (or to talk with a therapist), he said. If your partner is the one who seems to be disconnected from you, ask them about it. Avoid “creating a story about what’s going on with them.”

First, ask your partner when they’d like to talk. This way they “can be prepared and don’t feel attacked.” Approach the conversation with kindness. If either of you finds your emotions are escalating and you can’t be kind anymore, take a break, and agree to talk another time, he said.

Also, when talking to each other, have a “spirit of inquiry and understanding.” For instance, Giordano suggested these statements: “I’d like to hear more about that. How would you feel about that? What’s that like for you?”

Experiential Intimacy

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Couples don’t have to do everything together, but it’s important to share some experiences (without any distractions, such as electronic gadgets), Kogan said. For instance, this might include taking a walk, biking, seeing a movie, or even sitting in a garden, she said.

Spiritual Intimacy

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Spiritual intimacy is sharing awe-inspiring moments together, Kogan said. This might mean “worshipping as a couple” or “walking hand-in-hand in nature.”

If you feel disconnected from your partner in any of these areas, again, it’s important to talk to them (or see a therapist). In fact, talking to your partner about intimacy can actually build intimacy, Giordano said.

In other words, if you’re able to be open and honest with each other, to listen to what your partner is saying and to try to understand where they’re coming from, then you’re already nurturing your connection.

Blog Fridays: Intimacy – Touch “Me” If You Can

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Intrigued?! Excited?! Puzzled?! Great!!! Well, lick your lips and enjoy the ride! Intimacy has been lost in so many ways. Having sex is not intimacy! I repeat … having sex is NOT intimacy. Can it be intimate? Of course, however, the magic touch is in the connection between the two individuals.

A magic touch is when my significant other grabs my hand just to hold it while he’s driving. Kissing it ever so gently because he’s just grateful that I’m by his side. Or when he gazes into my eyes! He is so quick to say “With your beautiful self!” LOL. It tickles me all the time. He asked for a lower back massage and I could feel the tightness! I can’t have him suffering like that so, duh, I gave him one, but I added another magic touch! While massaging his lower back I also gave him a kiss massage!! Hmmm …. Tasty!!

What in the world is a “kiss massage?!” I’m glad you asked (wink)! It’s when you kiss your partner head to toe just so he or she can relax. It takes their mind off the “pain” they’re feeling and brings it to a sensational calm that’s soothing in every way possible. Its connection is powerful and sure to work every time you try it. Well, I’ll try not to be too extreme to say it works all the time. The other party has to be willing.

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So, this short and sweet blog “Intimacy – Touch ‘Me’ If You Can” is inspired by lost romance so many couples are in. That lost reason to why you got together in the first place. When that first initial reason of connectivity is lost you have to work to get it back. Remembering is not enough! You have to put that thought into action; again, understanding you need both parties on board. Why would one partner lose interest and not be willing to consider that first moment?

Great question! By then that means they have decided something broke and reached a point of no return. The break not only split but shattered into millions of pieces. A lost of respect tends to be what broke. Unless both parties wanted to gain that trust (respect) back it can’t and won’t ever be mended.

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Take the time before work, school, play, etc., to remind your partner why you love them! Don’t take them for granted. It’s very easy to lose it overtime because life gets busy. This is why you have to STOP and recognize (acknowledge) the little things as much as you can. I say this time and time again to different individuals facing disruption. First, ALL women want is security!! If she told you otherwise she’s lying. All we really want is security! The difference in and with all of us is how we define it! If she sees your compliments as a means of security then she will need that affirmation a lot! There’s, likely, an underlining reason and that’s when you dig in to find out what’s at the core! If you love her … it’s worth it!

Men! ALL MEN … all you want is to be respected! If I, women in general, were to disrespect you it would make you feel like you’re less than a man! You define your manhood in certain ways. For instance, if you are a person who need your significant other to stroke your ego by simple affirmations to what you give — you will lose hope. Questioning yourself is not, necessarily, one of those things you like doing; especially when it comes to women. If we cause that break in you it’s not good and we need to stop!!

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Touch ‘ME’ … ultimately YOU — US! Let the IN-TIMA-CY start within and share it with the one your love! I guarantee we will win!!

Into Me …

Confession’s Pathway …
Intimacy
Beginning to see just how personal it can become
For some it’s defined as sexual; for others a deep affection
One would have to recon pending its concession
The behavior of this feeling or action should be carefully assessed
Addressed with finesse
Hungry for the touch of a person’s attention starts with the mention
Pretense of the echoed agenda quiets the receiver
While the silence of the heart bellows the believer
Deceiver?
No!
Seems confusing? Yes, it is
It’s the whiz of the definer’s challenge
When our personal reaches the closet of vulnerability
We shield its fragility
Gauging in a world with constant disappointment can disjoint anyone
Everyone wants to be the “some” who appears to have it “altogether”
Rather or not this be true
The seeming is that “they can do”
Affection is love and can be expressed in the act of sex
Not to be complex but to always respect its context
Life is the culmination of delicacy
And we are the catalyst of another’s “Into Me" you see

 

By Katherine Matthews