The Triangle Love Affair

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Which way to turn…

My mind is sort of here and there in the reminisce of the past and what is today. It engages the circumstances of the relationships I faced over the past couple of years. (Chuckle) A slight exaggeration in the “couple” of years part. More like over 10! Dang, that’s a long time. That’s over a decade being in and out of relationships that I didn’t want to end but had no choice. I’m sure you, like me, wished some situations would have survived the brutal tide that not only crashed against the enormous mountain but knocked it into the abyss of the sea. It bothers me when people are so quick to jump to the conclusion “When you look back it was for the best.” That, truthfully, gets on my nerve. I’m not saying it bares no truth. I’m saying that folks should understand individuals NEED to SOBERLY assess these relationships. No, there’s likely not going to be a full awareness of why the other person made his or her decision, however, the assessment will bring you to a point of peace and maturity!

My first love! Boy, boy, boy … he was something else! I had never felt that way about anyone. It was more than butterflies in mere thought of him. It was heart racing in wishful “Oh God, I want to marry him,” type thing! We dated for several years, but he never would allow himself to be completely in the relationship. Just in case — this is when the individual is with you but has one foot in and out kinda thing. He eventually broke it off stating it was more than he could handle. I’m trying to sum it up as he just wasn’t ready to commit (marriage) but it was a little bit more than that. Yeah, I’m crazy! I used to apologize to him {time to time} because I was more involved than he was. The apology would come because I didn’t want to ever come across as though I was trying to pressure him and, I admit, my insecurities had been … ridiculous (lol)! No person can bear another’s insecurities. It is something every individual must work through on their own.

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Seeing blindly

This same guy, a few years later, got married! I guess he found what he was looking for. It broke my heart but what could I do? Nothing. No, not true. I could, and I did, respect his decision. Since I lived through that situation I was able to share with a friend (who became like a little sister) the experience and what I learned. So, that’s it: what did I learn? ….

Several months ago I found some of the instant message conversations we had that I had printed out. IM or instant message was during AOL days so we’re talking many moons ago (lol). In one of those conversations he wound up saying: “Why would I settle when I can have somebody better?” Ouch! Enough said, right?! So, the lesson I learned is no matter what higher power (God) may try to advise us; no matter what we know to be true it will come down to that one decision and it will make or break us in the end. I’m still discovering who I am. The reminisce of today is — I am still discovering. The reveal always takes time! Sometimes it takes years upon years. I can’t be disgruntle (though I have been frustrated throughout the journey–lol) with the process. I must embrace my truth … I am becoming the best version of myself beyond what I will ever understand.

Thanksgiving is mind-blowing

Romans 8:26-28 AMP … “In the same way the Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too deep for words. And He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because the Spirit intercedes [before God] on behalf of God’s people in accordance with God’s will. And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.

And though THAT one decided to go away … I can thank God He decided to stay!

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